seromie

Today I realized that the only things I'm good at are things that really don't help me in life.. in fact, they probably put a damper on it..

For example, I have the capability to completely close off the world and adopt a hermit lifestyle doing marathon asian drama watching sessions where I only stop for bathroom breaks, food, and sleep (priorities in order specified). So what does that mean..? That when it comes to things I'm passionate about.. I will give it my 150%!! This is fantastic.. except why are my passions so unproductive..? T_T;;

Another thing I'm good at is sleeping. I impress myself most when I wake up to eat breakfast and then feel sleepy again right after eating and go right back to sleep for another 5 hours...

I'm good at avoiding everything and everyone.

I'm an excellent procrastinator.

I'm very good at eating. I like all sorts of foods and there are very few things I don't like much... even if I don't like it.. the chances of me eating it are still high. The only thing is.. I eat kinda slow... but I do eat a lot... I eat probably in excess more often than I should..

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Sometimes I think maybe what I need is some form of a life coach.
I need someone to jump start my life.
Preferably this person should be a companion of some sort. A person that inspires me, motivates me, brings me out into the open and helps me reach my goals hand in hand and then pushes me to go further.
But really, would meeting such a person actually help in the long run..?
Instead of blaming the non-existence of such a person, shouldn't I be helping myself out of this rut somehow?
Though you can say that God can be my helping hand.. I think it would be nice to feel a more tangible one. (selfish much?)
Meh, here's to wishful thinking.

One of the key blogs that I started reading lately... is totally random. The blogger is a 38 year old korean american dad in NYC with the cutest little girl. He writes about his funny daughter, city life, his love for his wife, reading and his embarrassing childhood memories. His blogs is an emotional roller coaster range from super sappy (to the point where I'm crying) to falling off the chair laughing. In one super sappy entry celebrating his proposeversary (anniversary to proposing to his wife), he concluded the post with a list of things that he loved about his wife. From her facial expressions, to nuances with her behavior and her inability to cook. I recently find out.. (also from probably reading too much Murakami).. that I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE finding out what other people love about their friends and family and I really adore making my own observations on people's little quirks. This probably stems from the fact that early on in my relationship with Peter, I asked him why he loved me.. (soooo girly I know, lame) and he responded by writing a surprising poem filled with my quirks..

At the end of the day, it's really the little things that make you love someone more and that make life so much more meaningful. The best part is.. people are always evolving and picking up new things, so it really is an endless source or amusement and happiness for me. :D

All that being said... this past week and the next month ahead are going to be incredibly gloomy.. so to try and lighten things up, I suggested to Peter that we should write little things that we love about each other to keep our spirits up. I've gotta say.. it's seriously working because I'm squealing like a little girl with every email he sends me.. :D I'm totally saving them all in a word file or something... open it up and read it on a gloomy day. ^_^; *swoon*

I was randomly looking for an old prom picture of mine tonight in order to show Hiral what my prom dress looked like and I was surprised to find that... well, I couldn't find it. I put a lot of my pictures that I used to decorate my walls and desk with freshman year in a folder.. and it's not there. Weird.. I hope I find it one day because if I remember correctly, it's the only prom picture that I was 100% satisfied with.

Anyway, looking through the folder was like unlocking a time capsule of myself. I had a picture that Diana drew for me back in high school "Squall" + "Selfie"/me, a radiohead cd jacket full of lyrics, pictures that I took of my friends and new york city pictures from top of the empire state building. I also found a large array of artistic postcards that I've collected over the years.. Oh, and to be really sentimental.. I saved my nametag from my dorm room door. It reads "Serom (rhymes with Jerome)."

Other than nostalgia (Which is to be expected).. I felt something new.. I felt like a different person today than I was back then. Which shouldn't be a surprise.. but I didn't turn out to be the person that I expected to grow into. I've lost my pizazz.. the sparkle in my eye.. my essence.. I feel jaded and as if my life's blood has been sucked away from me and now I'm completely devoid of personality. I've lost confidence in my ability to form meaningful social connections. (seriously, in the past few school year the only new friend I've made is Jen.. and that one didn't start until this semester really)..

Who have I become? Sometimes I think of phrases that I think are amusing at school or in lab but I don't annunciate my thoughts...why? Fear that someone is going to think I'm lame? (I already know that I am and have accepted this fact.. why do I suddenly care and more importantly, why am I so bottled up?)

An even bigger problem than not speaking up to new people.. is the fact that I don't speak out to my old ones! It's been forever since I've seen some of my so called "best friends" from high school let alone talk to them! Why? Granted, our lives all went in a separate directions and we're busy with school, work, etc... I can point fingers and play the "but you didn't call me last time so why should I bother calling you this time.." or the "..I just really want to be left alone tonight with the tv.." Or.. even worse, maybe we've all grown apart. However, that doesn't mean we can't start growing in parallel or reach towards each other.. I mean, it's not like communication is hard to do these days: Email, cell phones, texting, facebook..

In conclusion, I think I'd like to go back to my former roots. I want to start talking to my old friend and start making new ones. I also want to start blogging again. (I blame this partly on my growing blogroll)But really, I just want to start writing about what I did, where I've been, what I'm thinking and feeling. This way, four years from now if I lose track of myself again, I'll know where I went wrong and I won't be disappointed with the person I've become.

I remember way back in high school, we used to prohibit each other from listening to too much silverchair because of the emotional side effects.

it's amazing how I can still completely crumble listening to it this day.

but then again, it's that time of month and I'm exhausted.

It still sounds just.. perfect.

I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

so I finally did the deed!

I finally bought a laptop after months of poking and prodding from friends and my academic peers!

It's preeetty and shiny!! :D

So I realized that I work the hardest when I'm surrounded by lazy company.

When everyone is playing I think "I should do work while these people are playing... hmm.... backhanded-sneaky study attack.."

But when everyone is studying, I just want to hang out and play and make them not want to study..

needless to say, this tactic does not work very well in grad school where everyone is really into studying all the time..

I need to befriend more bums..

Maybe it's time I hang out with lazy undergrads with senioritis..

so apparently i have neighbors that are really into some really loud sex. like of the demonic screaming caliber with extremely vulgarity. this coupled by the sound of children laughing not too far away and the occasional sound of spanking has made my homework evening pretty entertaining.

on the research front, i just need to finalize the paperwork and i can finally get to work. yay. money is important..

So... grad school orientation was yesterday.

It was a very interesting mix of old and new... and the most excitement I've seen in a few days..

First off, it was a 8:30 in the morning.. which was semi-OK since I've been trying to get into the habit of waking up early.. however, this did not work today since I woke up at 2pm..^___^;;; Waking up early also sucks because I get EXHAUSTED around 10pm... wtf..?

I registered for all of my classes and I'm STILL on the bench with regards to whether I should take the math class offered by the math department or the math class offered by the chem E department. ALSO, I don't know whether I should take Advanced Cell Bio OR Molecular Biology and Biochemistry.... hmm.. the department (ie. MOGHE) insists I take it with the math department and advanced cell bio.. he claims that BMEs in the past have done terribly in MBB.. Which leads me to believe that the MBB class at the graduate course has different exams or a much different curve.. or maybe it's curved with the undergrads because I have heard good things about Professor Deice (who teaches MBB) and semi-scary things about Advanced Cell since the lecturers change. Hmm.. I'm still confused on the matter...

On the research front.. I am still persueing Dr. SCHLOSS... who is playing hard to get with me.. I really hope I am able to work in this lab though it will be extremely scary since I lack the experience. Although the lab is technically Yarmush and Schloss' lab.. Yarmush (ie. the head honcho of the dept) gives lots of tough love and extreme critism whereas Schloss is described as a "mommy" figure that will make you feel at ease when the world is coming to an end. The lab works specifically with stem cell differentiation. The specific project team that I would like to work with consists of 2 PhD candidates in their 3rd year (that seems veteran enough for me) and the research relates to stem cell differentiation into different neuronal lines. I feel I would be able to get the most out of this research in terms of:

1. Interest
2. Analytical skills aquired (freedom to think on my own.. at the same time, semi-loving arms to fall back on to guide me)
3. Technical skills (such a wide variety of techniques are employed in this lab and the learning experience will continue to be very dynamic since I will not be pigeonholed into learning only 1 or 2 new techniques)

Also.. I spoke with someone who has been with the lab in the undergrad and told me that all of the lab members are genuinly nice and very warm. No cattiness or bitter feelings.. except maybe in a united front against Yarmush. :p

So yes, which me luck! I have a meeting with Dr. Schloss early next week! Eeek!

ps. I have a fucking test on the first day of my math class. Waaaahh!

So I realized the other night that I really don't know what I want to do with my life.

It was a scary moment..but at least it was short since I reasoned I literally bought myself 2 years to figure out that shit I was suppose to get in the last four..

In other news, I move out next weekend around the 10th.

So 3 monumental things going on in my life. Both sad.

1. The Harry Potter saga is finally over. Admittedly cried twice: Once towards the end with a few deaths I was very sad about... and once after I completely finished the book and realized that it's OVER. Oy.. I got so sad.. so I decided to remedy this by re-reading the entire thing from start to finish. I'll need to keep my August entertaining afterall, right?

2. My butt is getting smaller. This makes me very sad bc I liked my butt and everything else refuses to shrink... why genetics, why??? ;_;...(despite the emoticon, I did not cry over this as I cried over Harry..)

3. Still jobless and outlook for August is not looking good. Bah humbug. If anything, I guess I should learn how to cook a couple easy meals and play housewife to myself. Cooking/cleaning/decorating the apt. that sort of thing.

I like reading books about life.

Books that really zone in on the simplicity and poignancy of life, relationships, and growing up. I guess I never got over the whole "coming of age" kind of novels.

I am currently reading Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami and I really, really am in love with his style of prose. It actually makes me swoon. ^_^;

In other news, I went mattress shopping today and alluded to my mother that I kinda-sorta-plan on moving out after grad school. She didn't take the news so well.. and mostly chose to ignore it. Like she ignores everything else she's not satisfied with. Le sigh.

The good news is.. I've lost half the weight that I've gained this past semester.

The bad news is.. I hurt my elbow today. Ouch. I think I should get an ice pack for 15 minutes before going to bed. Trying to do tricep curls with a 10 lb weight after doing push ups was not a good idea.

BTW: Push ups are like.. the hardest things EVER! I'm dying by the 5.. it's kinda pathetic. But so incredibly hard! I should do modified push ups or something easier bc... since Monday.. I couldn't lift my arms fully without being in pain until today and now I hurt my elbow :(

So as you can see:

Job prospects = 0
Working out prospects = ^___^;;; (see three beads of sweat for hard work :D)

unfortunately. sweat does mean breaking out. I get a pimple a day. Somehow the spot treatment is failing me.. I can start making constellations on my face. Fun times.

My mom bought a pair of jeans off me. My new ones from Ann Taylor.. she claims she has no pants no w that she lost a whole lot of weight again and that my pants are the only ones that fit her right now. I can't believe she gushed about how good she looks in them via voicemail message. Who does that??

Anyway. Back to fitness:

Here are some fun links:
http://www.healthcentral.com/diet-exercise/calculators.html
http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/home-body-fat-test-2774-143.html
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

I read an article that stated that the ideal bmi is 20.85. Interestingly.. pretty much all of Hollywood has a BMI was around 18. (which is either underweight or just on the border) Even the so called "curvier" celebs.

Clearly... I have way too much time on my hands... ^_^; Hope all of your lives are much more productive.. and interesting ^_^;

I just finished reading The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

I'm totally into reading teenage novels to kill time and ease myself back into reading. They're not 400 pages long and filled with senseless dinner parties. Unfortunately, thanks to Aunt Flow, I ended up have a tear fest at the conclusion of the novel.

I'm so emotionally drained and bored that I am actually thinking of opening my calculus book for some mindless stimulation that doesn't involve girly feelings.

In other news, my third trip to the country club is due tomorrow. The receptionist at the desk recognizes me... the guy better be there tomorrow T_T

new cure for boredom..(for now)

wikihow.com

(i bet you all know about this tho.. I'm really slow with the internet happenings..)

This whole grad school business is kinda scary..

I forgot that grad school is like undergrad amplified. Or something like that I guess..

The cool thing is.. I set my schedule up so that I am taking 10 credits my first two semesters and then the following year.. all I'll have is one class and research... I decided not to start research right away.. so I can get used to grad school life.

So far:
Fall:

Molecular Biology and Biochemistry
Applied Methods of Math (or Analytical Methods for Chemical/Biochemical Engineers.. whichever sounds less painful)
Kinetics, Thermodynamics and Transport in Biomedicine
Journal Club

Spring:
Biomechanic Systems (ie. death)
Biocontrol, modeling and computation (ie. death part 2 in case dying the first time wasn't enough)
Survival Skills/Seminar (hehe. I like the name of this class)
Mammalian Physiology (anatomy class)

I have to pick 2 electives.. One I decided will be an Ethics class.. and the other, I'm hoping to take something that involves Disease signalling pathways. Sounds cool enough.

I have yet to pick an advisor. I'm thinking I definately need someone who will push me and be there. This will probably mean my advisor will be insanely scary and condescending.

It's going to be an interesting two year. I hope to come out of school this time with lots of job prospects, money, and an apartment so I can finally move out of Clifton. I am thinking I may have to live off campus during my second year of grad school since I will no longer be considered a full time student... but I'm kinda interested in this prospect. It will be a stepping stone to moving out and being independent.

In the mean time for the here and now.. I have a phone interview coming up with a small pharmaceutical company! I really really hope I get a job out of this.. (I hear that it's paid.. which is very exciting since I haven't had a paying job in too long..)

Your True Love Is a Capricorn

Why you'll love a Capricorn: Hard working and driven, a Capricorn will work overtime to win your heart. Be prepared to get wined and dined, even once you're convince that your Capricorn is the one! Why a Capricorn will love you: You don't rush things. You know it will take a while for a Capricorn to trust you, and you can wait. Social and outgoing, you can introduce normally shy Capricorn to a great circle of friends.

^________^

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Charlize Theron

She said, I think I’m going to Boston
I think I’ll start a new life
I think I’ll start it over
No one knows my name
I’ll get out of California
I’m tired of the weather
I think I’ll get a lover
I’ll fly ‘em out to Spain

I think I’m going to Boston
I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town
To leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise
I’m tired of the sunset
Here it’s nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice
Oh yeah

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Except not really Boston.. because it's even colder up there!

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You want to be with someone who's a success. A person with the right job, right family, right clothes... In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Back from miami and all the sun :(

Faced with loads and loads of school work :(

However!

I did have a blast and learned a lot of things:

1. Do not travel by myself. Not only is it lonely, but I'm too frantic/naive/oblivious to deal with anything.
2. I only get hit on my old, sketchy guys who have asian fetishes.
3. being called ladies is nice. so sophistimicated ^_~
4. for once, I'm actually pro-leave-jersey. Preferably somewhere warm, with ocean AND mountains.. and only one place really comes to mind. So here I come california...one day..
5. waters can really THAT BLUE. for reals. It's better than pictures :)
6. miami is all about boobs or legs. In some cases, both.
7. we totally flaunted the boobs/legs and it was liberating!

hm, thats it for now. I have to get cracking on this stupid paper for now... >_